tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post8879850808122208..comments2024-03-22T05:48:33.690-07:00Comments on Uncensored John Simon: RetortsJohn Simonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00876490457067235124noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-66493656357009418832017-11-16T11:26:48.864-08:002017-11-16T11:26:48.864-08:00I'm not sure whether it's sad or infuriati...I'm not sure whether it's sad or infuriating that you pat yourself on the back for stealing a line from George Bernard Shaw. I do know, however, that I'm not surprised. Patting yourself on the back is one thing at which you've always excelled.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06624880605870790619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-77940787600266949262017-11-16T11:25:37.100-08:002017-11-16T11:25:37.100-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06624880605870790619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-20304265778829017422017-11-12T19:56:05.209-08:002017-11-12T19:56:05.209-08:00Wilde was the absolute best!Wilde was the absolute best!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-85261653040587123502017-11-12T18:26:19.903-08:002017-11-12T18:26:19.903-08:00Oh, my. Allow me to wipe a tear from my eye.
Ma...Oh, my. Allow me to wipe a tear from my eye. <br /><br />Mark Twain, who is among the prodigiously misattributed, is not the source of the quip about Wagner's music being better than it sounds; American journalist Edgar Wilson Nye weighed in with that one. <br /><br />Overlooked is Dorothy Parker's riposte to the matron (Clare Boothe Luce?) who held open a door for Parker while saying, "Age before beauty." Parker: "Pearls before swine." <br /><br />Another (possible) Wilde: When the Marquess of Queensberry thrust a bouquet of rotting flowering vegetables at Wilde as a sardonic "gift", Wilde said, "When I smell them, I'll think of you" <br /><br />Oh, I say..touché!Aeschylushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17753049617370302030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-63943074429399354292017-09-05T19:19:43.353-07:002017-09-05T19:19:43.353-07:00John, I'm just catching up with this piece, wh...John, I'm just catching up with this piece, which I very much enjoyed. Many years ago, when my friend Chris and I were in high school, we left a Sunday mass right after communion. The parish's new cleric, a real firebrand, was in the back of the church just waiting for the chance to confront an infidel. "If you had tickets to a broadway show would you leave before it was over?" he asked. Chris replied, "If I saw it 5,000 times I would." Hope you are well.Out of Contexthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02876504367854347630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-42753681167027267882017-08-22T17:32:45.842-07:002017-08-22T17:32:45.842-07:00From memory: Noel Coward when asked how he came to...From memory: Noel Coward when asked how he came to be known as "The Master". Coward: "It started as a joke then became real.". Also when being bothered by a child said something about giving him "A chocolate covered grenade".Tomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07310971464915703512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-36577107797831498752017-08-16T17:49:29.664-07:002017-08-16T17:49:29.664-07:00Wit way did they go?
The best retorts are in my h...Wit way did they go?<br /><br />The best retorts are in my head,<br />Beginning with "I should have said..."<br />In leading questions I am versed,<br />Towards witticisms I've rehearsed. Scott Whittakerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03968186273740791074noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-24218693727769864282017-08-14T20:34:48.086-07:002017-08-14T20:34:48.086-07:00Re: Thus about Wagner, from Mark Twain: “Wagner’s...Re: Thus about Wagner, from Mark Twain: “Wagner’s music is not as bad as it sounds.”<br /><br />In "Mr. Clemens and Mark Twain", Justin Kaplan offered these Twain Wagner zingers:<br />---He preferred Wagner in pantomime. (p 280)<br />---The singing in Lohengrin reminded him of the time the orphan asylum burned down." (p 312)<br />mike zimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08688913712302681707noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-10100503709221996512017-08-14T15:01:37.421-07:002017-08-14T15:01:37.421-07:00Winston Churchill recounted several ripostes from ...Winston Churchill recounted several ripostes from F. E. Smith in his inter-war book Great Contemporaries: <br /><br />Judge Willis: What do you suppose I am on the Bench for, Mr Smith?<br />F E Smith: It is not for me, Your Honour, to attempt to fathom the inscrutable<br />workings of Providence.<br />Judge: I am no wiser now than when you began summing up.<br />F E Smith: Possibly not My Lord; but better informed. - F. E. Smith (1872<br />&endash; 1930)<br /><br />Judge Willis tried to think of a decisive retort. At last it arrived.'Mr. Smith, have you ever heard of a saying by Bacon--the great Bacon--that youth and discretion are ill-wedded companions?'<br />'Yes, I have,' came the instant repartee. 'And have you ever heard of a saying of Bacon--the great Bacon--that a much-talking judge is like an ill-tuned cymbal?'<br />'You are extremely offensive, young man,' exclaimed the judge.<br />'As a matter of fact,' said Smith, 'we both are; but I am trying to be, and you can't help it.'<br /><br />Such a dialogue would be held brilliant in a carefully-written play, but that these successive rejoinders, each more smashing than the former, should have leapt into being upon the spur of the moment is astounding. ...<br />-- Winston Churchill, 'F. E. First Earl of Birkenhead', in _Great Contemporaries_, 1937<br /><br />On another occasion, in the crowing period of his life, he was addressing a meeting in his old constituency. He said at one point: 'And now I shall tell you exactly what the Government has done for all of you.'<br />'Nothing!' shouted a woman in the gallery.<br />'My dear lady', said Lord Birkenhead, 'the light in this hall is so dim as to prevent a clear sight of your undoubted charms, so that I am unable to say with certainty whether you are a virgin, a widow, or a matron, but in any case I will guarantee to prove that you are wrong. If you are a virgin flapper, we have given you the vote; if you are a wife, we have increased employment and<br />reduced the cost of living; if you are a widow, we have given you a pension--and if you are none of these, but are foolish enough to be a tea drinker, we have reduced the tax on sugar.-- Winston Churchill, 'F. E. First<br />Earl of Birkenhead', in_Great Contemporaries_, 1937The Sanity Inspectorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04808433661634318393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-86428741924995089052017-08-14T14:57:35.987-07:002017-08-14T14:57:35.987-07:00Jazz archivist Stanley Crow rounded up some good o...Jazz archivist Stanley Crow rounded up some good ones in his book Jazz Anecdotes. One told of an exasperatingly untalented drummer sitting in on a club date with a headliner. At the end, the drummer attempted to make small talk. "So when was the last time we played together?" "Tonight," said the headliner.The Sanity Inspectorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04808433661634318393noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-17993406534130150922017-08-14T11:00:53.831-07:002017-08-14T11:00:53.831-07:00In response to 'How odd of God to choose the J...In response to 'How odd of God to choose the Jews' someone (I don't know who) said:'Not odd of God/Goyim annoyim.'Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17131525219176777614noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-52006610548599982162017-08-14T09:43:53.743-07:002017-08-14T09:43:53.743-07:00This got me to looking up other retorts. Two by Gr...This got me to looking up other retorts. Two by Groucho Marx:<br /><br />"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."<br /><br /><br />Groucho to a contestant:<br /><br />"Why so many kids?"<br />"Well, Groucho, I love my wife"<br />"I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth every once in a while."<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Here's Edna Ferber vs Noel Coward<br /><br />Coward: You look almost like a man.<br />Ferber: So do you.<br /><br /><br /><br />(We could do this all day)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-12503529173239389572017-08-13T07:40:38.550-07:002017-08-13T07:40:38.550-07:00That's hysterical!That's hysterical!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-56988279378000992842017-08-12T20:32:22.578-07:002017-08-12T20:32:22.578-07:00The funniest part of Wilde's retort to the ugl...The funniest part of Wilde's retort to the ugly woman was his "bow". That little tidbit adds the visual needed to make it funny. Nice! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3752457333383090137.post-56154484190465217542017-08-11T14:47:24.148-07:002017-08-11T14:47:24.148-07:00“Herman Mankiewicz was an alcoholic. He once famou...“Herman Mankiewicz was an alcoholic. He once famously reassured his hostess at a formal dinner in her Hollywood home, after he had vomited all over her beautiful white tablecloth, not to be concerned because ‘the white wine came up with the fish.’ “Joe Carlsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10925042164233399553noreply@blogger.com